


Cell Block Tango

by KayDiggsWriting



Category: Chicago (2002), Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Attempted Murder, Cell Block Tango, Cheating, Everyone wants to kill Alexander, F/M, Hamgelica, Hamliza, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I'm Sorry Lin-Manuel Miranda, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Songfic, Violence, no one does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-30 00:32:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16275521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayDiggsWriting/pseuds/KayDiggsWriting
Summary: And now, the six revolutionary attempted murderers of The First American jail, In their rendition of 'The Cell Block Tango'(Or the Hamilton version of The Cell Block Tango that nobody asked for and no one wanted)(Everyone tried to Kill Alexander Hamilton. No one did. Here are their stories.)





	Cell Block Tango

**Author's Note:**

> I was literally in the middle of typing the update for the story people are actually waiting for, when this song came on. I couldn't stop singing it even when it was over. It was distracting me from writing my other story and so I wrote this to get it out of my mind.  
> Enjoy but you probably won't.

[Announcer]

And now, the six revolutionary attempted murderers of The First American jail, In their rendition of 'The Cell Block Tango'!

 

[Convicts]

Talk less! Satisfied! Son! Uh uh! Burn! Legacy!

Talk less! Satisfied! Son! Uh uh! Burn! Legacy!

Talk less! Satisfied! Son! Uh uh! Burn! Legacy!

 

He had it coming, he had it coming

What else were we supposed to do?

If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it

You would have tried to murder him too

 

Talk less! Satisfied! Son! Uh uh! Burn! Legacy!

 

[Aaron Burr]

You know how people have these little habits that get you down?

Like... Alexander for Example

Alexander likes to talk a lot -- No, not talk, Argue!

So I get home this one day and I'm really irritated

Just looking to wait it out

And here comes Alexander, knocking at my door

Constitution in his hand and talking

No, not talking, ARGUING!

So I say to him-- I say, 'talk less and smile more'

And he didn't

So I took the revolver off my hip and I fired a few warning shots

Right pass his head

 

[Aaron And Others]

He had it coming, he had it coming 

What else were we supposed to do?

If you'd have been there, If you'd have seen it

You would have tried to murder him too

 

[Angelica Schuyler]

I met Alexander Hamilton at A Winter's Ball about two years ago

He told me he was satisfied

We hit it off right away -- so we started writing each other

He'd write me letters, put commas after 'dearest', I'd write him back, give him advice

Then I found out, satisfied he told me? Satisfied my ass!

Not only had he never been satisfied

He was after me 'cus I'm a Schuyler sister, to elevate his status, ya know?

So that week, when I was writing his usual letter, I fixed the seal real special

You know, some guys just can't hold their rincin

 

[Angelica and Others]

He had it coming, he had it coming

He took a flower in its prime

I was the wittiest and he was penniless 

Attempted murder is not a crime

 

[George Washington]

Now, I'm standing in my office

Thinking of strategies for the war

Minding my business 

And in storms my right hand Alexander in a frustrated rage

"I'm not your son" He was saying

He was crazy!

And he kept on screaming "I'M NOT YOUR SON!"

Then he ran into my letter opener

He ran into my letter opener ten times

 

If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it

You would have tried to murder him too

 

[Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette]

 Qu'est ce que je fais ici?

Ils ont dit que j'ai assassiné mon petit lion.

Il affirme que je l'ai attaché au lit et que je l'ai battu à moitié avec des baguettes bien trempées

Mais ce n’est pas vrai

Je suis innocent

Je ne sais pas pourquoi les flics m'accusent

J'ai essayé d'expliquer mais ils ne vont pas écouter

 

[George Washington]

Yes, but did you do it?

 

[Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette]

uh uh, not guilty!

 

[Elizabeth Schuyler]

My sister Angelica and I had this genius plan

To get my husband, Alexander, to take a break with us

But even though it was summer, he had too much work to do

Writing congress, presidential memos, articles, papers, studies, pamphlets, 

The man wrote 51 essays!

This one night upstate while I was walking in the park I was really missing him-- feeling Helpless

So I decided to gather up the children and head back to the city

I come back home, open the door...

There's Alexander and Maria Reynolds laid out with their legs spread

In OUR bed!

Well, I was in such a state of shock, i completely blacked out

I can't remember a thing

It wasn't until later, when I was dousing the Reynolds' Pamphlets with gas

That I even realized everything was burning!

 

[Elizabeth]

He had it coming, he had it coming!

He had it coming all along!

I didn't do it, I could have done it

Attempted murder is hardly wrong!

 

He had it coming, he had it coming!

He had it coming all along!

I didn't do it, I _could_ have done it

Attempted murder is hardly wrong!

 

[John Laurens]

I loved Alexander Hamilton by actions rather than words could possibly say

He was a real smooth talker, outspoken, a writer

But he was always trying to "build his legacy"

He'd go out everyday looking for a raise in his station

And on the way he found Elizabeth, Angelica, even John Andre

I guess you could say we broke up because of a miscommunication

He said he couldn't seem to die

So I tried to make him dead!

 

[Everyone]

Son of a whore, whore, whore, whore, whore

Son of a whore, whore, whore, whore, whore

 

He had it coming, he had it coming,

He had it coming all along

First he out spoke us, The he provoked us

Attempted murder is hardly wrong

 

He had it coming, he had it coming,

What else were we supposed to do?

If you'd have been there, If you'd have seen it

You would have tried to murder him too

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry you had to go through that.  
> Well not really because I laughed so hard writing it.  
> But still.  
> Thank you for reading.  
> I won't even ask you for kudos and comments because I'm ashamed of myself.


End file.
